I simply completed the process of perusing "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. I am 47 years old. I am attempting to put on my standard energetic, cheerful face for the world however inside I am an entire disorder.
This book made me realize that I'm not alone in this world, at all. For almost forever this book keeps me companion, comforted, and help me to face my problems with alcohol. Several problems in my life caused my misuse of alcohol and the usual reasons such as hereditary factors, and indiscipline does not feature. Growing up was difficult - my father was a serial cheater, my mother had no self pride and overweight, unpopular me was left to feed for myself on most occasions. Emotionally, I was totally independent.
Strangely, I never drank in high school. And Luckily at that time I can attend a prestigious school that proud on its student's academic records'but the students there turned out really like having a party, they were party animals. And so began my journey into the excessive consumption of alcohol and subsequent negative activity - ranging from loss of consciousness to terrible hangovers to improper sexual behaviours.
One thing I learn at that time, that for a fat girl like me who want a sexual relation with the opposite gender, I have to be drunk as drunk as the boys, and maybe that's my chance to have it with them.
When I look back, I remember one day I woke up in a frat house in Montreal, beside me there is this guy totally naked in bed'.. But I felt relieved because I could've been end up in hospital, got badly injured, or worst I could've been pregnant, but I didn't.
With time, I earned a degree and even went further while my love life wasn't left behind. We saw each other often and during such occasions wine was always present while I also got myself a bottle every week.
Fast forward'marriage, .two pregnancies, both during which I totally refrained, and did not miss it. As I got older, the stress of taking care of my parents and my sick child while dealing with my partner's lack of interest and poor temperament altered my ritual of having wine leisurely to a more frequent consumption.
My husband got hooked on a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of wine'..and shortly a nightly custom to crack one or two'..Privately, I started combining my personal cocktails and having the glass concealed in my baking cupboard.
After a hectic day at work, I return home to face domestic chores, dinner plans, getting my sick child to complete the task given to him at school and at the same time ensuring my other child does his house chore; in the midst of all these the only thought lingering within me is the wine I will take later and when the opportunity comes I drink to stupor. In the mornings, first thing I carry out is examine my I-phone to observe whom I may have unknowingly texted while drunk.
But there is more - two years ago I had a very serious emotional relationship with one of my son's friend's fathers. The relationship never got physical (other then a couple embraces and standing close at donning occasions) however in the event that any of you have perused about (or encountered) an enthusiastic undertaking, the effect can be similarly as sensational and extreme, if not more so then a physical relationship. I was on seventh heaven - all the time my phone showed a message'.oh the rush of feelings. Usually we exchanged texts late into night, at times in the middle of the night, while we were at duty.
I felt really happy, happier that I had ever been. The relationship was becoming dangerously close to crossing the sexual line and he pulled back. I have been ravaged and mourning this loss'.and the drinking heightened.
My cocktails comforted me they assisted the infliction.
I feel so ashamed as I remember my past. The drunken episodes:
I am in guidance which has been an epiphany'..plus studying Ann's book and now detecting this site and studying alike narratives. I have a feeling that I am returning home.