My name is Catherine, and I am a recuperating compulsive dependent gambler. On this 29th January 2007, it's officially 10th year of my recovery process, but I will always remember my history with gambling addiction.
Gambling addiction took away my life without killing me, it took away my family, friends, occupation, my house, and almost ruined my love life with my husband. It cost me more than what money can buy. At that suffering time, I also had undiagnosed mental and emotional health problems that I did not realize until 2002.
I originated from the profundities of hellfire, sadness, and gloom.
I opened my eyes in a room at the hospital, I could feel my wrist wrapped up in bandages, I heard people talking about knives, but I lost conscious again. All I recall was everything returning to being dark in void. Presently I know it was an entire personality and body separate. A mental/emotional blackout. From that point I went to a compulsion/mental emergency focus.
Everyone checked on me to make sure I didn't attempt killing myself. After a little while, I got help from the psychiatrist there. And of course, since I was also a compulsive gambler, I needed extra treatment. I began making regular visits to an addiction expert to treat my gambling disorder.
I had endeavoured to quit betting all alone yet felt I could control it all alone and I fizzled with many backslides and gorges even while in outpatient treatment. Clearly, my situation wasn't hopeless.
Even after staying for 20 days in a crisis centre and self-murder attempt!
It's known as DEPENDENCE. It is an illness that is so difficult to subdue. But can be done. And this wasn't the final moment I would work this circuit.
Not resulting from seriously betting, because of the financial pressures from this ailment, I had another self-murder attempt in 2006 as it appeared I had not done equal to what is needed in every aspect of recovery, including my financial inventory.
First lesson: Have a stable recovery plans. But in 2006 I also only wished to be normal, live life in recovery without having to use drugs for mental/emotional problems. I tried to survive without the pills and treatment sessions, I thought my sickness was caused by my gambling addiction that leads to PTSD, manic depression, mild mania anxiety and bipolar insomnia cycles and OCD. So, in a period of two weeks with no medications? I was back to intense depression and wanting to commit self-murder. My response? I consumed all my meds at ago. I had reached to that bad, black hole of gloom once again.
I got back to the hospital again, with 16 days in the crisis centre and being watched for suicide attempts.
When discharged this time, I had learned from my mistakes that I have to use drugs to manage my mental/emotional health and happiness as they refer to this as being "dually diagnosed or dual diagnosis."
Recuperation with even negative encounters, sprinkled with some "confidence" can indicate us numerous life lessons in recuperation. In the event that we are not learning them, we won't see our development. Notwithstanding when you are not taking part in your inclination of enslavement, we can at present have issues emerge and life challenges in recuperation, so being readied is imperative.
First, the characters and traits that we study and lift up within any dependence and "the cycle" of any dependence requires to be disrupted and removed for us to have an opportunity at an actual honest recuperation. Balance is the key in your recuperation way also. During the therapeutic process, endeavour to acquire the necessary knowledge which can cut the addictive tendencies and then end the loss of discipline, negations and alibis.
The next step is understanding that the remedial process is a long term procedure. This step is also very essential and requires complete submission.
And third, having a solid 'Relapse Prevention Plan' is essential for anyone who commences recovery and wants it for a relatively long period of time. No one can claim ignorance of occurrences in their lives. Even joyful or favourable occurrences, not only bad or grievous ones.
I feel it is the reason Gamblers Anonymous poses the question in our combo book of "The 20 Questions" to check whether you have an issue with betting. It is the reason they pose #19.) "Did you ever have a strong need to celebrate any good luck by a few hours of betting?" YES! For me, notwithstanding when things great happened, I would need to celebrate by going as far as anyone knows to have some "enjoyment" by betting. Nevertheless, my dependence was so terrible I required anything I could get hold of to recuperate, not simply Gamblers Anonymous.
I utilized my gatherings and links there for my help and listening to other similar-minded dependents and have my thoughts of how subtle and crafty this ailment is. And GA showed me how vital it is to be there for others via recuperation service as others were there for me when I was a newbie.
There is a need for discussions about addictions instead of the silence associated with it. Let's destroy the "myths" concerning it. It is one way to pull down the "stigma" around it, and around those who live dual diagnosed also. Yes, mental/emotional sickness in recovery can be a difficult task, but I think by telling people some of my experiences, vigour, and expectation, and sharing some of my stories can be an example that recovery is achievable, and we can live joyful, sound, and productive lives in recovery!